


Find Yourself

by LtLime23



Series: Beyond the Archon [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, LGBTQ Character, Lesbian Sex, Mild Language, My First Fanfic, Please be gentle, Sexual Content, light spoilers, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-23 20:38:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLime23/pseuds/LtLime23
Summary: Nobody, not least Sara Ryder, had realised how much stress she'd been under since arriving in Heleus.  With the Archon defeated Ryder is starting to heal and find herself again, although it takes the unexpected boldness of Dr Lexi T'Perro to help Ryder rediscover a part of herself she's been neglecting for 600 years.





	1. It's Voeld Outside

**Author's Note:**

> First time fanfic - I don't know all the rules so please be gentle. Also British so apologies for any language confusion/none US references. 
> 
> Written from the perspective of a Ryder who had to keep things strictly professional with her crew to cope with the critical path.
> 
> Thanks to the creative team at Bioware for such an immersive universe and other writers on AO3 whose work inspired me to put pen to paper, as it were.

Shore leave, two and a half days to kick back, relax and take off her Pathfinder hat. It had been four months since the Tempest team last had a break. Defeating the Archon and finding Meridian was only the beginning and once the party was over, the real work began, as Addison kept reminding her. Since waking up from cyro in the throes of the scurge, Scott ending up in a coma and her father dying, all within the space of a few hours, to this moment, nearly a year later, Sara Ryder couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt at peace. 

Ryder had been lost in her thoughts of shore leave whilst Vetra and Peebee were finishing up their last assignment on Voeld. They’d been helping to integrate Initiative and Angaran tech to improve data transfers for the research teams. Turns out Milky Way tech couldn’t quite handle the cold. Vetra had worked wonders again sourcing a solution and Peebee had taken it upon herself to “optimise” the kit using algorithms she’d developed from Remnant tech. Both the Initiative and Angarans were happy with the outcome. Now the three of them were barrelling across the frozen desert back to the Tempest in the Nomad.

“Hey Ryder, can you quit with the humming?” Vetra asked.  
“Yeah it’s getting really annoying, do you not know the rest of the song or something, just the same few bars over, and over and over and…” Peebee made a snoring noise.  
“Sorry! I didn’t even realise I was doing it. Anyway, it’s the technicians fault, did you see the logs on that last drop stations?” Sara paused for comedic effect, “about it being, Voeld outside?” Sara turned to look at her squad, hoping they’d found it as punny as she had. Stoney silence.

“Well anyway, I saw a history vid back in the Milky Way about what humans thought being in space was going to be like and I’ve been humming the theme tune ever since reading that terminal because, well the lyrics were.” Sara cleared her throat, “It’s Voeld outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere” a purple gloved hand playfully shoved her.

“Please, for the benefit of us all, never sing again” chuckled Peebee.

Sara liked these moments, she didn’t mind that her teammates were rolling their eyes, it was good to smile with them, there had been too much stress, pain and sacrifice. Meridian had changed that, whilst the Pathfinder was still busy at least the impending death of thousands of people wasn’t on the cards anymore. 

Her team had noticed the change too, Peebee and Vetra shared a smile in the back seat, Ryder was totally different since Meridian. Given she was only 22 she had handled everything with swift efficiency and professionalism. Ryder wasn’t cold, she checked in with the squad and went out of her way to support them, but the pressure meant something had to give and Ryder often distanced herself from socialising with the team. The crew of the Tempest realised she only had so much to give and the best they could do for her was let her know they had her back and not burden her with extra emotional baggage.

Now with a new home on Meridian establishing itself and the immediate danger passed, Ryder was coming out of her shell a little and starting to feeling comfortable filling the role of Pathfinder and finding Sara again.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Defrosting in the locker room back on the Tempest Dr Lexi T’Perro’s voice echoed over the comms.  
“Ground team back from Voeld, please come to the Med bay for your final physical and shots before shore leave.”

“Ergh, Mum checking up on us again, all she does is fuss” Peebee’s relationship with Dr T’Perro was well documented, but Ryder knew that for the most part she just played up to it these days. Vetra shrugged, “I’ll go first, take one for the team” and headed off, the sound of the turian sliding down the ladder beyond the Bridge doors all she left in her wake.

“So, Pathfinder, how do you plan to spend shore leave?” Peebee had gently nudged her shoulder into Ryder. Sara knew the asari had a crush on her and truth be told, she liked it when Peebee flirted with her, it made her smile but Ryder also knew a relationship with her would be way too crazy. 

“Oh, my plans are dull, who are you planning on seducing into zero G Ms B’Sayle?” Ryder gave her crewmate a raised eyebrow “that is how you like to, blow off steam, isn’t it?” she teased.

“Ha!” exclaimed Peebee “why Pathfinder you know me far too well, I’m sure I can find some fine specimen to help relieve the, pressure” Peebee continued “anyway” she purred “you still haven’t told me your plans.”

“You really want to know?” Ryder asked, closing her locker and turning towards the door. Peebee nodded. “I plan to sit in my pants, eat junk and play video games” Ryder pew pew’d Peebee with finger guns as she backed out of the door to the Bridge, she just had time to hear Peebee mutter “Such a nerd” before they closed.

In fact, Ryder hadn’t figured out how she was going to spend her free time, she just wanted to not have plans. Every second of every day was blocked out to do “something” so she was just going to enjoy the freedom of not having to do anything.

“Kallo, set course for the Nexus, it’s time for our holiday”  
“Yes Ma’am!” Kallo gave Ryder a little wave “I cannot wait to get out of this chair!”

As her team prepped the Tempest for launch Ryder exhaled and headed to her quarters for a much-needed shower. Whilst the surface temperature on Voeld had increased it still left her chilled to the bone. Stripping out of her thermal under armour Ryder watched the planet fall away from the rising ship before heading to her bathroom and the waiting embrace of hot water and steam.

As the warm water cascaded over her body Ryder started to relax and let the tension of the day wash away down the plug. Her thoughts wandered to Peebee’s flirting, she could handle it now. Ryder recalled how Peebee, Liam, Vetra, Jaal, Suvi, even that damned Nexus reporter Keri had all made a pass at her. It wasn’t that Ryder didn’t want, romantic attachment, as SAM would say, but geez her life had been a clusterfuck for the last year, and then some. Literally the last thing on her mind was getting laid, but now…. Ryder could feel for the first time in well over 600 years the start of a little desire creeping back. She ran a soaped hand over her taught stomach, feeling the glide of suds, skin on skin. The muscles around her navel tensed momentarily, a familiar flutter. As her hand drifted up and over her breast Ryder felt her nipple harden at her touch, she exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding. An element of relief washed over her, she still had it, she could still feel, her body and her mind hadn’t forgotten after all.


	2. Familiar Routines

Pulling on her casual clothes Ryder headed to the Med bay to get her final OK from Lexi, she entered the room rolling up the sleeves of her Ai top like she always did, Drack would joke that her trademark forearms were out. 

“Hey Doc, ready and willing.” Ryder perched on one of the Med bay beds, crossing her legs at the ankles and looked over to see Lexi, a picture of concentration as she prepped the syringes for Ryders bloods. 

“This won’t take long, although I’ll have to give you your recovery amino acids tomorrow, I ran out and the ones held at the Voeld outpost need to be prepared first” Lexi worked efficiently, a true professional, her and Ryder had formed an unlikely friendship since she joined the Tempest.

\------------

Just after discovering Kett exaltation the Doctor had decided to find somewhere to work outside of the Med bay, whilst she studied the genetic savagery that was exaltation, she wanted to be somewhere neutral so her workspace didn’t only remind her of horrors. Walking up to the meeting room she’d found Ryder sprawled on one of the sofas, papers and data pads strewn all over.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was up here” Lexi had said when Ryder looked up at her questioningly.  
“Hey, feel free to pull up a pew” Ryder had said “I prefer to work up here, I can read all the very important, but also very dry reports from Addison and Tann, whilst also looking at the beauty of Heleus to remind me why I should give a damn.” 

And so, Lexi had, she made her home on a sofa opposite Ryder and there they worked, each lost in their own thoughts. They would follow the same routine when Sara wasn’t on a ground mission, sometimes they’d discuss mission outcomes, news and even gossip, other times they would just fall into comfortable silence. Slowly they’d opened up to each other and the friendship which filled the space beyond professional duties was one both women valued.

They’d started to learn each other’s habits, Lexi only drank coffee until 1130 and Ryder would start to softly snore exactly 27 minutes into her 2PM nap. They both found comfort in the familiarity when the mission was often throwing them curve balls.

The turning point for Lexi had been after Ryder returned from the Archon’s ship, not only had Ryder died but the no win decision she’d had to make just added insult to injury. Drack’s reaction, although understandable, broke Ryders heart and that day remains one of the only times Lexi had ever seen the Pathfinder in pieces. 

Lexi had needed to find Ryder for a post mission evaluation, “SAM, where is she?”  
“The Pathfinder is in the meetings room Dr T’Perro, I don’t think she wishes to be disturbed” came his reply.  
“I know SAM, but she died, I need to see her.” Lexi had gone to the meetings room expecting to find Sara on her usual sofa but nothing. “Are you certain she’s here SAM?”  
“Yes, Dr T’Perro”

A meek hand appeared from behind one of the sofas, as Lexi walked over she realised it had been pulled out and the Pathfinder had buried herself in what amounted to a duvet fort between the couch and a bulkhead. “if you want to evaluate, you’ll have to do it here” had been Ryders response.

Lexi had clambered over to sit next to Ryder, her heart ached as she looked at the total dejection and hurt on her friend’s face. Now wasn’t the time for medical invasion, Lexi wrapped her arm around Sara’s shoulder and pulled her close, a hug was what was required.

The Doctor had been taken aback at quite how much she cared for the Pathfinder, the relief following the Archons defeat had been immeasurable. Ryder had changed, she seemed to have relaxed and Lexi was growing to appreciate just how much energy Sara had been using to keep the mission together, and just how much of a sacrifice she’d had to make personally, in the process. To her surprise, Lexi had slotted comfortably into this new warmth from Ryder and found it helped cement her feelings of home being part of the Tempest crew. The Doctor hadn’t realised she’d continued to carry a worrisome burden that she wasn’t good enough, but finally, she felt settled.

\------------

Lexi turned towards Ryder, the young woman sitting casually swinging her crossed legs, lost in her own thoughts, the Doctor caught herself smiling at the still wet dishevelled locks falling across the Pathfinders face, she shook her head, these thoughts too had been increasingly frequent since her and Ryder had been released from the pressure cooker of stress.

“OK, a quick scan and then some bloods” Lexi hoped her bedside manner would hide any sign she had been looking at Ryder as anything other than a patient.   
“Just do your thing” Sara smiled.

The scan complete the Doctor took hold of Ryders right arm, wrapping a band around the bicep, searching for a vain. “Sharp scratch” Lexi warned before penetrating the Parthfinders skin with the small gauge needle. 

Ryder flinched “So, any plans for your days off Dr T’Perro?” Sara wanted to distract herself from the needle in her arm.  
“Hmm I don’t know” was Lexi’s reply as she deftly removed the constriction band allowing the blood to flow and fill the vials “I just, ergh, I just want to not have to do anything” Lexi replied. “There is always something to do, someone to patch up, a report to file, and…. I just want a break.” Having taken enough blood Lexi removed the needle and applied pressure to the puncture point. Her hand had glided up Ryders forearm, she hadn’t meant to do it and the feeling of Ryders warm skin under her fingers…. her breath caught as she looked at Ryder.

“I know exactly what you mean” Ryder held the Doctors gaze, desperately hoping the quickening of her heart as Lexi had run her hand up her forearm wasn’t noticeable “I just want to be Sara for a while, not the Pathfinder” 

Lexi swallowed hard, there was an intensity in Ryder that she hadn’t seen before, it made her hand shake and she realised she’d been holding, feeling, Ryders arm in her hand far longer than was necessary. “Maybe I should have that attitude too” Lexi didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper “Leave my Doctors badge at home.” Lexi pulled herself away.

“Bridge to Pathfinder, we are en route to the Nexus, ETA 8AM tomorrow morning.” 

Ryder wasn’t quite sure what had just passed between her and Doctor T’Perro, she hopped off the bed and exited the Med Bay after a quick “Thank you” she needed food and her bed.


	3. Got something in your eye?

Ryder lay, lost in the warm embrace of her bed dreaming or stars, mountains and a kiss. She woke with a start, her conscious mind desperately trying to grasp the images of her subconscious, to feel those lips on hers again. “Fuck” Sara sighed “Why did it have to be her?” Sara questioned the silences, except it wasn’t silence.

“Are you referring to Dr T’Perro Pathfinder, and your developing romantic attachment?” asked SAM.  
“SAM, now is really not the time, and is it that obvious?” She asked, sometimes having an all seeing all feeling AI in your head was just a tiny bit annoying.

“Your pulse rate quickens and pupils dilate when you see or think about her Pathfinder, these are common traits of physical attraction within the human species” Sara groaned as SAM continued “additionally, your subconscious REM state sleep indicates repressed sexual desire.” Sara had heard more than enough.  
“For the record SAM, that was a rhetorical question.”  
“Noted Pathfinder.”

Looking at the bedside clock it displayed 5.30AM, no point in trying to get back to sleep, she’d be awake at six anyway. Ryder padded across the room and pulled on some gym shorts and a sports bra, she hadn’t had much time to work out recently and thought it would be a good way to start her leave. 

Passing the galley Sara fixed herself some cereal and filled a bottle with water, trying to work silently to avoid waking any of the team.

Ryder had insisted Liam clear out some of his acquired crap to make room for some free weights and a squat cage. Growing up Sara had loved to rock climb, it was one of the only things her and her father ever did together, she was with him the day the “lucky rock” had come into being and hadn’t needed Cora to fill her in. Climbing had made her strong and she loved the feeling of being able to move and manipulate her body weight, she could always cheat and use biotics but there was something pleasing about the flow your mind and body could achieve.

\------------------

Lexi heard the Pathfinder walk down the hall and crash about in the kitchen, probably looking for cereal she thought smiling to herself. The Doctor had been awake for some time, her sleep light and fitful, she knew why her mind wouldn’t quieten, it was filled with thoughts of Sara.

She, Dr Lexi T’Perro had a ‘thing’ for Sara Ryder, of all the people she shouldn’t be thinking about in that way the Pathfinder was at the very top of the list.

More noise interrupted her thoughts, in frustration she got up, dressed and headed towards the galley in search of the commotion and breakfast.

“Morning Doc” chirped Peebee  
“Peebee, is it really necessary to make quite so much noise getting coffee?” Lexi hadn’t meant to sound so irritable, her thoughts about Ryder were making her edgy she sighed “Sorry Peebee, I didn’t sleep well, I didn’t mean to be tetchy.”

“Hey don’t worry” Peebee wasn’t stupid enough to pick on the Doctor when she was clearly troubled by something, OK they hadn’t got on at first but that was mainly due to her own hang ups rather than T’Perro. “Anyway, whatever is keeping you up at night, forget about it for a couple of days, just take a deep breath and well fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Lexi suppressed a chuckle, if only she knew, oh yes, she thought, let’s throw caution to the wind and potentially destroy a caring and supportive friendship because she desperately wanted to be in the Pathfinders pants. Desperately, had she really meant to think that, it hit her that desperately was exactly the word to use, she’d just done a very good job at hiding her feelings, even from herself for quite some time. She shook her head “the odds and risk/reward are too great.”

“Ahh but those are the best games, those give you the greatest buzz” Gil announced as he sauntered into the kitchen.   
“Yes!” joined in Peebee “take the risk Doc, new galaxy, new home, let yourself go, just this once” for effect Peebee winked.  
“Got something in your eye?” quipped Lexi.  
“Oh, no don’t worry, besides, if I did, I’d find another medical practitioner, because you” Peebee laid a hand on Lexi’s shoulder as she walked towards the door “are off duty.”

Lexi sighed and headed for the Med bay, it was true she was off duty with only one task to do before it was official. She sat at her desk and put her head in her hands. Would it really be so bad if she gave Ryder a hint? What was the worst that could happen? She faced rejection? It’s not like she hadn’t had that in 275 years of living. She thought of the hours of companionship she’d spent with Ryder, how the comfortable routine just felt right, could all of that change? 

She’d felt the intensity of that brief moment with Ryder the previous day, that couldn’t surely be one sided, and even if it was Lexi was pretty sure every other crew member who was so inclined had tried to catch Ryders eye and they were all still here.

What was it Ryder had said about just being Sara, not the Pathfinder, maybe she wanted a lost weekend as much as she did. Could she adjust back to a platonic relationship after shore leave if anything did happen? The Doctor puffed out her cheeks, who was she kidding she’d been containing these feelings for a while without suspicion if that was the way it had to be then so what, she knew Sara was worth the risk.

Lexi pondered some more, OK if she was going to go along with this crazy plan, what was the actual plan? It wasn’t lost on Lexi that she was now following the advice of Peebee of all people! She thought about everything Ryder had been through, “I’m going to have to be bold and make this so obvious.” Lexi said out loud. If she was in Ryders position she would doubt everything she was thinking and feeling, it was time for Lexi to be assertive, something she wasn’t used to where romance was concerned but hey, what’s the worst that could happen?

The Doctor gathered her things and headed to find Ryder.


	4. Needy

Doctor T’Perro had changed into some casual clothes, deliberately chosen to illustrate her figure, but the simple black v-neck tee didn’t scream “effort” but did say “check me out”. She walked into the cargo bay to find Ryder, wearing not a lot, doing pull ups. Lexi stood rooted to the spot, Ryder wasn’t how would you say, “ripped” her muscles only took on definition when under tension, softly athletic was how the Doctor thought of her. She observed the slow movement of the Pathfinder moving her body upwards, all the small muscles in her back popping with the effort, a slight glean of sweat adding to the effect of the cargo bay down lighting. Lexi felt her pulse quicken, now she’d accepted how she felt it was hitting her like a frigate. Steady, she thought to herself, obvious is one thing, throwing yourself at her might be a step too far.

“Whoa, Dr T’Perro, you have arms” Lexi jumped, she hadn’t realised Ryder had stopped and turned towards her, she caught herself just in time.  
“Yes Pathfinder, and you are leaving very little to the imagination.”  
“Oh, and what have you been imagining Doctor?” OK that was clearly a flirt Lexi told herself.  
“Hmm, ply me with enough wine and I may just tell you” Lexi held the Pathfinders gaze, hoping she was judging this right. “In the meantime, I’m here to give you your shot.”

Sara walked over to a supply crate and sat down, her eyes not leaving Doctor T’Perro’s hips which were striding casually towards her, her eyes drifted upwards to the hint of cleavage on display. 

“Sara, if you could look a little higher please.” 

Ryder felt the blush rise in her cheeks, T’Perro had called her out, whilst embarrassed there was something pretty hot about it too, the Doctor wasn’t exactly upset about the attention. Sara’s senses heightened as the young Asari took the final steps towards her, she could feel the heat radiating from the other woman as she leaned in to administer the recovery aminos. 

Lexi wasn’t sure who had taken control of her senses, she would never usually be so brazen, she removed the syringe and leant close to Ryders left ear whispering, “remember to breath Pathfinder.” She leant closer and kissed the soft join of Sara’s earlobe, letting her lips drift over the woman’s ear as she pulled away. Satisfied with the shiver and goose-pimples which instantly formed across Ryders neck she turned and walked back towards the Med bay.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vetra tripped over a discarded mod case, crashing into the bulkhead and stripping a shelf of its content, not the most elegant start to her day. Ryder looked startled.  
“Hey you OK Vetra?” She called.  
“Oh yes, fine, fine, just er, tripped”  
Vetra was trying to desperately recover some composure, hoping against hope the Pathfinder didn’t think she was spying on her but oh man she had not expected to see that.  
The turian managed to right herself and, as cooly as a turian in pyjamas who has just fallen crest over arse could, headed towards the mess.

Despite it being small most of the crew had squeezed into the galley for breakfast. There was an easy chatter when the Turian walked in. “So Suvi” she said, “how are you going to spend your windfall?”  
“What windfall?” Asked the Scot through a mouthful of toast.  
“You win, I have just witnessed the great Dr T’Perro throw herself at our dear Pathfinder.”

Silence, everyone’s jaws dropped at the news.

“About time.” Grumbled Drack, “those two have been making house up in the comms room for months, practically married anyway.”  
Kallo chuckled “really? I always thought Sara would fall for Liam.”  
“HA! Are you kidding?” Cora piped up “You should have seen her face when SAM told her how much Liam was jacking off.”  
“Hey, a guy has needs.” Protested Liam.  
“Yes” drawled Jaal, “and anyone who has to bunk below you knows just how needy you are.”

Gil snorted into his tea and Drack roared with laughter.

“Wow” Peebee mused “I had no idea the Doc would take my advice, she was right, the risk/reward is pretty high”.


	5. I'd have to kill you.

Ryder loved watching the final approach to the Nexus, it was a feat of engineering and although there was still work to do it always gave her hope at what thousands of people, from a handful of species could achieve if they all pulled in the same direction. She’d just changed and was towelling her hair watching the view, at least it was a distraction from Dr T’Perro.

Sara had never expected to see the Doctor act like that, the flirting, that kiss, Sara wondered if Lexi had any idea of the electric shock which had ran through her body when the asari had made the briefest of contacts. Perhaps, Sara mused, Lexi really was leaving her Doctors badge at home.

Although she wouldn’t admit it freely, even to herself, Sara knew she’d been harbouring feelings for the physician for a while. As the stress started to leave her mind and she could start to find herself again these feelings had only gotten stronger. Sara knew Lexi had drawn a line with the crew regarding Doctor/patient boundaries. She smiled, well I guess she’s not a Doctor for the next couple of days, Sara thought. Maybe that wine might make an appearance sooner rather than later.

Sara pulled herself back to reality and gathered her things, they’d come to the Nexus rather than Meridian on crew consensus. Whilst Meridian had become the human golden world, Sara wanted to make sure all her crew had the chance to catch up on whatever they needed. Shore leave on the Nexus had made sense. Gil could catch up with Jil who was heading towards her third trimester and was passing through the Nexus. Kallo had a chance to catch up with the Salarian contingent who were settling in to Nexus life. Suvi wanted to hang out with her science team colleagues. Jaal was still enjoying his studies of Milky Way cultures in the cultural exchange and as for the rest of the crew they really didn’t care where they ended up as long as there was beer and dancing.

Ryder, despite what she’d said to Peebee, had a list of people she wanted to catch up with, Scott for a start, plus she’d promised to grab lunch with Vetra and Sid. She hoped Vetra didn’t give her a hard time, she was pretty sure she’d witnessed Lexi kissing her neck in the cargo bay, and by now no doubt the gossip train that was Kallo and Gil had managed to extract a blow by blow account from the turian. She didn’t blame her crew, she’d gossip too, hopefully a group “chat” would put any mischief to bed if necessary, Ryder wasn’t averse to tackling even awkward subjects head on if necessary.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
 _I’ve convinced Vortex to break out the ‘rare stocks’, share a bottle with me? 9PM. S x._

Lexi resisted the urge to do a happy dance as she read Sara’s message on her Omni tool but clearly her excitement showed.

“What are you smiling about?” queried Harry Carlyle, Dr T’Perro’s lunch partner.  
“Oh nothing” Lexi countered, busying herself with her salad.  
“Don’t, Oh Nothing, me, come on share the good news” prodded Carlyle.  
“If you must know” Lexi paused “I have a date.”

“A date!” exclaimed Harry “am I allowed to know who has managed to weasel their way into the affections of the unflappable Dr Lexi T’Parro?”

Lexi shook her head. “If I told you I’d have to kill you.”

“Hmmmm” mused Harry “that can only mean one thing, you aren’t going to tell me because you’re scared of what I’ll think” he paused “which means it must be someone a little risky, a pirate or smuggler. Or a patient” he let the last word hang in the air, chuckling as he watched his friend squirm. “My guess, well, it would have to be the Pathfinder, you wouldn’t settle for anyone less.”

Lexi dropped her fork “Harry! How did you?”

“Ha! I didn’t but your reaction told me all I needed to know!” Harry smiled at her “Hey, don’t stress, Sara is a pretty incredible woman, you’d only feel like this if you trusted her, I know you.” Harry was fixing Lexi with a purposeful look “just enjoy your date OK, my sources on the Tempest have already told me how much time the two of you spend together. The Tempest is a unique environment, well beyond doctor patient relationships, you’re a family.” The kindness of Harry’s words relaxed the asari, she had been terrified of telling him in case he told her to stop being so silly and question how she could have let this happen. 

“Wait, who are your sources on the Tempest” Lexi questioned.  
“You know they were running a sweepstake, right?” Harry quipped “on who the Pathfinder would fall for, I believe the drinks are on Dr Anwar this evening.”


	6. Public Service

Lexi was leaving the Med bay when she bumped into Suvi heading towards the Tempests airlock.

“Wow, Lexi, you look stunning” it wasn’t an exaggeration the science officer was captivated by the woman she saw before her, the elegant simplicity of the black dress Lexi was wearing showed off her figure beautifully.  
“Thank you, Dr Anwar, I believe I’m responsible for a sudden rush of credits to your account?”

Suvi swallowed “ah, you know about that, look...” 

“Don’t worry, I had my money on Peebee.” Lexi smiled as Suvi chuckled “A nice bottle of whiskey as a small thank you maybe?”   
“Oh, I’m sure I can find something to add to your medicine cabinet” Suvi watched as Lexi headed towards Vortex, “enjoy your date Dr T’Perro.”

\-----------

Vortex was rammed, it seemed like half the Nexus was shoehorned into the space, luckily Ryder had commandeered a table, not as out of the way as she would like but not even the Pathfinder could kick out the locals from their usual seats. She grabbed the bottle of wine and two glasses from the bar and made herself comfortably trying desperately to remain cool, calm and collected. She’d been trying to do this for hours, ever since Lexi had agreed to meet, Sara had been distracted, spending an age figuring out what to wear, she’d settled on some black pants, which accentuated her ‘assets’ and a white shirt, sleeves rolled up of course.

As she waited for Lexi to arrive, Ryder swept across the crowd, her eye caught by a flash of blue calf, her gaze followed the slit of the Asari’s dress upwards over the curve of butt, waist and breast before locking with a pair of green eyes.

“Enjoying the view Pathfinder?”

Lexi stood in front of Ryder, she’d enjoyed grabbing her attention from the moment she walked in, she liked how Sara looked at her, particularly the desire which so clearly passed between them.

“Lexi” Sara didn’t know what to say, “you look” Lexi waited “beautiful.”

Lexi slid into the booth next to Ryder, “thank you, you don’t look too shabby yourself.” Lexi leaned over to kiss Sara’s cheek but Ryder quickly moved away. Lexi looked questioningly at her, had she totally misjudged this?

“Not here. For the moment we are two people, who are going to enjoy this exquisite bottle of wine and talk, as we always do.” Ryder shuffled round so she was facing Lexi and continued, not breaking eye contact. “I’m pretty sure you feel the same way about me as I do about you, however, whilst right here right now I am Sara and you are Lexi, to everyone else in the room I’m the Pathfinder and you are my Doctor.” Lexi got it, it was wise, frustrating but wise, she continued to hold Sara’s eye when she spoke, pointedly. 

“But when we are done with the wine, now we both know where we stand, I get to enjoy your company, fully?”

“Absolutely.” 

Ryder sighed, “the thing is, if the Tempest’s crew are seen out and about, there is an expectation the Pathfinder will be available for photo ops, if I had it my way I wouldn’t have let you leave the ship after your little stunt this morning.” 

“Oh that” Lexi smiled, pleased she’d gotten under Ryders skin, “that was nothing.”

“It was everything” replied Ryder.

\---------------

Despite both parties having to make a conscious effort not to make physical contact Lexi was enjoying her evening with Ryder, the wine was excellent and the conversation was easy, she was glad, in a way, it gave her hope that whatever lay ahead, she and Sara wouldn’t lose the friendship they’d forged. Ryder had been right too about the photo ops, there conversation was interrupted at regular intervals and she marvelled at how Sara could slip easily into the Pathfinder role and be friendly and charming despite having her private time invaded.

A couple had come over and asked to join them, they were talking animatedly at Ryder. Lexi wasn’t following, she’d long since drifted into her own thoughts watching Ryder in profile as she leant forward, arms crossed on the table appearing to give these strangers her full attention. Lexi had rested her elbow on the table, supporting her chin in her palm, her other hand had drifted below deck and came to rest on Ryders thigh.

Lexi’s mind was now firmly on her right palm, feeling the contours of Sara’s quads, the texture of the fabric, soft but stiff, accentuating the curve of the body beneath. She let her hand run down to the Pathfinders knee, watching her subjects face for any reaction. Ryder unfolded her arms and instead interlaced the fingers of both hands in front of her, arms resting on the table. As Lexi gently squeezed her knee she saw the twitch in Ryders forearm as her fingers tensed together, yet still managed to remain focused on the conversation.

The doctor smiled to herself as she ran her hand slowly upwards, her fingers toeing the line of inner and upper thigh. She saw a smoke like waft of blue ripple off Sara’s forearm before her knee shot upwards crashing into the table toppling the couple’s drinks into their laps. The couple jumped in shock.

“Ah, oh, errm, sorry, cramp” Sara managed to bumble an excuse “really sorry, Lexi, can we erm go outside, just help me walk this off?” Ryder had stood up abruptly “actually, let me just get you guys another drink, to apologise.” Sara quickly made her way to the bar, telling the barmaid to give the couple whatever they wanted before turning to look for Lexi. Fuck that woman drove her crazy, she was done doing her public service.


	7. Modern Woman

Lexi had escaped the couple and dived towards a table her crewmates were occupying by the door.

“Having fun Dr T’Perro?” cooed Peebee  
Lexi coughed “well yes, actually, maybe. Although I hadn’t realised how in demand my date would be.” 

Peebee smirked “I’m glad you took my advice Doc, although if you and Ryder were trying to keep it low key I recommend not pawing at her pants in public.”

Lexi tried not to look horrified, luckily Sara arrived just in time to save her, the Pathfinder stood closer than necessary behind her. “As for you Pathfinder” Peebee continued “you need to stop stripping your drinking partner with your eyes, I don’t think there is a single person in this place who doesn’t know you two want to fuck.”

“And on that note” interjected Ryder “we’ll be leaving.”

She steered herself and Lexi out of Vortex as quickly as she could. They walked the dark docking bay corridors in silence, hands interlinked. Lexi stopped abruptly and turned Ryder towards her, stepping closer and running her free hand up to the woman’s neck, pulling her close. Ryder tilted her head forward at the last moment so their foreheads came to rest on one another.

“Not yet” she whispered, “if you kiss me I’ll lose it, you saw what happened when you squeezed my fucking knee, can you imagine the carnage if you kiss me and then I have to stop?” It was true, Lexi could feel Ryder shaking, the tell-tale blue glow of her biotics rose like mist off a lake on a spring morning from her skin.

“Sorry Sara, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable” Lexi pulled away and they continued to walk towards the Tempest.

“Please don’t apologies, you make me feel very comfortable, it’s just I haven’t really had the head space to think about anything beyond the mission. Let’s just say I’ve been neglecting a part of myself for about 600 years.”

As they walked through the Tempest towards Ryders quarters Lexi released her dates hand. “Give me five?” Lexi asked.

“Sure thing” Ryder smiled, she had a couple of things she wanted to take care of herself.

\-------------------

Ryder stepped into her cabin and knelt by the bed, she pulled out her personal crate, took a deep breath and opened it. She hadn’t yet opened the box since arriving in Heleus, it was too, emotional. It contained a few photos from home, music, a couple of printed books, some favourite clothes, her mother’s scarf which, even after 600 years still held her scent. Sara tried not to look too hard and instead focused on finding a non-descript canvas bag. She pulled it out and kicked the rest of the case back under the bed.

“SAM?”   
“Yes Pathfinder”  
“Is there any way you could, errm, not actively participate in what’s about to happen?” Ryder asked nervously.

“Sara, I can busy myself with complex calculation within SAM node, however, should I sense you are in mortal peril I must assist.”  
“OK, well that’ll do, could you make sure the door is locked once Dr T’Perro arrives?”  
“Of course, Pathfinder.”

Ryder stepped into her private bathroom and laid the contents of the bag on the shelf, what modern woman wouldn’t travel across dark space without her dick collection, lube and vibrators? Priorities, right?

It felt so long since she’d looked at them, let alone used them. Ryder leaned back against the wall and unbuttoned her pants, sliding them down just enough to give her access. She picked up her cock of choice, it didn’t require straps to hold it in place, instead a smaller shaped piece of silicone allowed her to hold it inside her. 

There was no doubt that Lexi had gotten her hot but this would still require a little patience. Ryder lubed up her cock’s anchor point and slowly started to enter herself. She closed her eyes and let her mind imagine Lexi’s lips on hers, their naked bodies moving against one another, her fingers searching for the Asari’s clit. Ryder let out a soft moan as her dick slid home. Her hand ran over her shaft, fuck, she’d forgotten how good it felt. She adjusted her hardon so she could pull up her pants and exited the bathroom hoping Lexi would understand.


	8. I get it.

Lexi walked towards the Pathfinders quarters, carrying two glasses and the bottle of whiskey Suvi had left on her desk. She’d taken a moment to compose herself, emotions and lust were high, she wanted desperately to fall into Sara and let go, but also, now the chips were down, she realised she might not be ready to totally let go, “I don’t meld on the first date” she whispered to herself.

She stepped in to find Ryder looking out at a sleeping Nexus and was satisfied when the door locked shut behind her, she noticed SAM had dimmed and although she knew full well he’d know everything that happened tonight, she was grateful for the implied privacy.

Leaving the bottle of whiskey on the small coffee table Lexi took the two glasses to stand with Ryder. “Cheers” she said. They each drank without breaking eye contact, Lexi could feel the tension between them, it was time to stop playing games. 

Ryder took her glass from her putting them both on the bedside table before returning to stand in front of Lexi, who was resting against the viewing gallery balustrade her back facing the darkness, her hands closed round the cool metal on either side in an attempt to steady herself. Sara’s hands rested on Lexi’s hips as she brought her body to the Asari’s, her head dipped to Lexi’s neck “are you sure you want this?” Breathed Ryder.

Lexi ran one hand into the hair at the base of Ryders neck the other wrapped round her body onto her back and pulled her closer still “I want all of this Sara” Lexi whispered.

The first kiss, the first tentative testing kiss, where boundaries are explored, the reflex of eyes closing and bodies pressing into one another, soft lips parting to let tongues explore and entwine, the heat and taste, both women lost in each other.

Ryder’s hands had moved off of Lexi’s hips to grip the metal railing behind the Asari, she was overwhelmed by the intensity and thought her head would explode, each flick of the Doctors tongue or nip of her teeth on Sara’s bottom lip sent a charge through her body, ending in one place. She ached for Lexi to touch her, to feel how much she wanted her, wanted this.

Lexi sensed the tension building in Ryder, she pulled out of the kiss pulling Ryders hips closer to hers by the belt loops of her pants. Lexi had felt Sara’s hardon throughout the kiss, it was a turn on to feel it pressing against her, knowing from the angle that the other end was deep inside her lover. She couldn’t resist any longer and ran a hand over the shaft looking at Ryder for a reaction, the flash of blue flaring from Ryders tense arms told her all she needed to know.

“Do you know how wet this makes me?” Lexi asked, drawing her fingers along the shaft of Sara’s cock. Lexi bit her lip “It can’t be inside me tonight Ryder.”

Sara smiled and leaned in to litter soft kisses across Lexi’s neck. “I know, it’s for my benefit, erm” Ryder stalled. Lexi turned her face to Sara, placing a finger on her lips.

“Sara, you don’t have to explain. Psychologist remember, I get it, what could be a stronger indication of how much you want me than a whopping great hardon?” the Doctor asked, “I know it isn’t about gender, I know you’ve been trapped inside your own head, dealing with all the shit the galaxy has to throw at you and I know that this” Lexi gently pulled Ryders cock, knowing the slight movement would be enough to make her gasp “is what you need right now to reconnect the dots.”

“We are both finding ourselves again” Lexi let her hands untuck Ryders shirt, she started to unbutton it from the top down “I’m not ready to meld with you, it’ll overwhelm me, you get that, it’s unspoken because we understand each other, so please, before you blow the side out of the ship will you relax and come and find yourself in me.”

A weight lifted from Sara’s chest, it was all she needed to hear, she shrugged off her shirt that had been unbuttoned and pulled Lexi towards her, letting her mouth softly bite the Asari’s neck as her hands unzipped her dress. Ryder could feel the sweat break out as their bodies touched, she marvelled as the soft contours of Lexi’s body fitted perfectly against her own. Kissing deeply, they moved towards the Pathfinders bed, Lexi gently pushing Ryder back before unbuttoning her pants and tugging them off.  
They took a moment to stare at each other, to fully drink in and savour the beautiful view of each other naked.

“It looks good on you” Lexi said, her eyes fixed on Sara’s body.  
“It’d look good on you too” Ryder replied.  
“Now there’s an idea” one Lexi hadn’t considered but thinking about it, she would love to make love to Ryder, to move with her, to be inside her, but not tonight.

Lexi moved towards Ryder who lay back on her bed, legs bent at the knee, feet on the floor. The asari positioned herself either side of Sara’s right leg, letting her body softly meet hers, taking her weight on her left arm Lexi couldn’t help but moan as her clit made contact with Ryders thigh.  
They fell into a deep kiss, Lexi’s subtle movements against Ryder letting her dance along the tightrope of desire. The asari moved her free hand over Sara’s breast smiling as Ryder moaned into their kiss. Her hand found the curved, warm silicon, she wrapped her hand around and gently pulled on Sara’s hard member. There kiss broken as Sara’s back arched in pleasure, the veins in her neck pulsating.

Lexi took hold of Ryders hand and placed it on her cock “you take care of this”, with the permission of her partner Sara gently ran her hand over her hardon, feeling the pleasure build with each small movement. Lexi’s hand toyed with the small patch of hair at the base of Ryders shaft. “Lexi please” Ryder gasped “touch me.”

The Doctor let her fingers find the space between the toy and Ryders body, carefully exploring the soft folds, feeling her clit. “Ryder, your clit is as hard as your dick” she said, her own words causing her to press her body harder against Sara’s thigh.

“Go easy, I’ve been close since you kissed me in the cargo bay, I could come in an instant.” It was true, Sara was on the edge, the point where her whole body tingled, she could feel every heartbeat, every movement Lexi made, the subtle tension of muscles the tiny shivers, the dampness on her thigh as Lexi pushed her clit onto her, looking for just the right amount of friction. It was driving her crazy. Her cock in her hand just added to the sensual stimulus, the feeling of it moving inside her as her hand ran over the shaped head let her mind reconnect.

Lexi buried her face in the nape of Sara’s neck trying desperately not to grind too hard into the other woman. Her mind drew intricate images from the tips of her fingers as they danced over Sara’s clit, the movements were small, rhythmical and steady, she could feel her mind drifting, searching for Ryders. She pulled herself back from that cliff edge and adjusted her weight to free up Ryders hand which had previously been tracing patterns on the small of her back. 

Sara knew what Lexi was asking, she cupped the Asari’s mound in her hand and let her middle finger caress the ridge of her clit, taking her lead from Lexi she matched the movements being made on her own clit. Lexi gripped a handful of duvet and let a moan escape against Sara’s shoulder. They fell into a magical rhythm of sensual kisses and subtle touches, each passing moment bringing them closer to the edge.

Arching her back upwards Lexi kissed Sara’s open mouth “Ryder” she gasped “I’m coming.” Her hips drove into Ryders hand as her climax rippled through her body, she caught herself just in time to remember where her hand was and pressed onto Sara’s clit.

Sara fell over her own edge, her orgasm ripped through her body and mind, the spasm was so strong she forced out the end of her cock, the pressure on her g-spot as it exited only added to the waves of pleasure that washed over her.

As their breathing slowed Lexi nuzzled into Sara’s side, one leg draped lazily across her body whilst a hand gently caressed her neck. Soft kisses on lips, and noses and anywhere within reach. Ryder smiled.  
“Thank you” she kissed the point where Lexi’s forehead meets her crest, and paused there breathing in her scent.  
“You’re welcome” came the sleepy response. Ryder cocooned the two of them as best she could in the duvet as they drifted into contented sleep.


	9. So Sensible

Sara drifted awake, enjoying the transition from what felt like the first deep and dreamless sleep she’d had since arriving in Heleus, back to the familiar surroundings of her cabin. The gentle hum of the ships systems on standby, not quite as soothing as the throb of the ODSY drive core but comforting, homely. She lost herself in the feeling of nothingness as she counted the stars above the Tempest, tracing the outline of the Nexus silhouetted against the inky black abyss. Lexi’s steady breathing on her chest, lips slightly parted as she dreams on, nuzzled into Ryder’s side, it felt perfect, Ryder luxuriated in the warmth and weight of her partner, tucked up safe in her arms.

Sara had forgotten about these moments, the small almost insignificant pockets of time where intimacy is shared, no need for fireworks or earth shattering declarations, just this instant of calm togetherness.

The only fly in the ointment was the total lack of circulation to Sara’s right arm, as cute as it was to have Dr T’Perro looking adorable and blissful, the odd sleepy snuffle escaping as she dreamt, Sara’s digits seriously needed some blood flow. She leant down and softly kissed the asari’s forehead, nudging her gently, “Lexi?” she whispered.

“Hmmm” Lexi stirred “you better have a good reason for waking me up” she muttered contentedly.  
“My arms gonna fall off and my feet are cold, can we get into bed properly?” replied Ryder.

“Always so sensible” Lexi pulled herself from sleep and rolled out of the Pathfinders arms, standing up but not quite feeling the ground. Her eyes travelled across Sara’s body, the soft glow of the cabins terminals providing just enough illumination to highlight her gentle curves. Lexi marvelled at how each part of Ryder, perfect in her eyes, seemed to flow like one continuous thread, she thought she could spend hours just running her hand over her soft skin, etching each millimetre into her mind’s eye. She shivered, not just from the cold.

Sara kicked out the duvet and they both scuttled under, Ryder shaking her hand and winching as pins and needles announced the return of circulation to her arm. Lexi reached out, tucking her fingers into the hair behind Sara’s ear, she placed a soft kiss on Ryder’s lips, lingering just a moment to savour the flare of warmth that spread through her. “This is perfect” she whispered.

In response Ryder let her tongue trace Lexi’s bottom lip, she smiled at the sharp intake of breath, tilting her head up she let her lips dance over the asari’s never quite making contact, but close enough to feel the wanting from her partner. Lexi caught Sara’s mouth with her own, drawing her into a deep, slow, sensual kiss, the feeling of Ryders tongue running over hers delivering an ache of desire in her stomach.

Lexi rolled on her back, pulling Sara on top of her, she wanted to feel all of her, she longed to let her fingers follow those threads, closing her eyes and just being with Ryder, wrapped up in her shapes, the patterns of her movements, her heat and her taste.

“What do you need?” Ryder asked.  
“I want you to touch me, but not touch me” Lexi purred “just all of you, this feels incredible.”

Ryder pulled away, “hold that thought” she said and disappeared into the bathroom. Lexi ran her hands over her crest, she’d never felt like this before, it was like every cell of her being was tingling with wanting for Sara, she wasn’t even sure she was awake, it all just felt so surreal.

Sara slipped back into bed, carefully returning to her previous position, enjoying the warmth that welcomed her body to Lexi’s. She slipped the beautifully curved thin vibrator between them, shaped in such a way that both parties received some attention. The low purr lost in the moan that Lexi let out. 

Ryder felt Lexi let go, she felt the subtle shift as her lover allowed the pleasure to wash over her as she melted into the sensation of Sara on her. Their kisses became too much for either to take, too intense, the vision of Lexi moving beneath her lost in their rhythm, her hips rising to Sara’s, the scene was so utterly erotic Ryder was almost numb to anything else, the world around her shrinking to just the two of them, caught in this moment of utter bliss.

Sara matched the movement of Lexi’s body beneath, their ebb and flow drawing them ever closer. She bent her head and drew one of the Doctors nipples into her mouth, it hardened in an instant, Lexi’s moaning, unreserved. Laying kisses in the valley between Lexi’s breasts Sara could feel herself getting close. She could also feel a warmth at the base of her neck, it seeped into all of her she could hear Lexi calling her, pulling her closer “Lexi, you need to focus” Ryder couldn’t help but let out a moan, she was so close to coming, she couldn’t hold back.

Silence. Ryder’s mind was millpond smooth, the stars reflected in its surface weren’t those above the Tempest. There she stood in the centre of this calmness, Lexi’s forehead touching her own, fingers, entwined in hands.  
“Hello Pathfinder” Lexi spoke, her voice warm, intense, loving.  
“I…” Sara faltered.  
“I wanted you here Sara” reassured Lexi  
“Can we stay a while? The peace, just....” Sara trailed off as she felt the wash of 12 months of emotion pour through her, holding onto Lexi, her lighthouse in the dark.


	10. I hate it when you're right

Ryder slipped out of bed, pulling on a pair of Ai boi boxers and her favourite hoodie she silently left her quarters and padded barefoot down the corridor. It’s my ship she thought, and I’ll walk around in my pants if I want to. 

Heading into the kitchen she found Suvi and Peebee giggling at the table, a bottle and two glasses alongside them.  
“Well hello Pathfinder!” Giggled Suvi  
“You two look like you’re having fun, have you made it to bed yet?” Ryder asked, though she already knew the answer. She busied herself searching for the blend of Angaran herb she’d picked up on Aya, it was similar to peppermint back home but with a hint of rhubarb.  
“Sleep is for losers, besides, I jettisoned my bed remember?” Peebee grinned. “Have you been to sleep yet Ryder, or has the good Doctor been keeping you up?”   
“Do you want a blow by blow account Ms B’Sayle?” Ryder teased “to give you something to think about later?”  
“Oh, in those pants I’m already thinking” Peebee would give as much as she got. 

Suvi’s face was a picture “will you two stop, I’ve had far too much to drink for this kind of conversation!”  
“Or not nearly enough” Ryder smiled as she left with her two steaming mugs of tea.

She arrived back in her quarters to find Lexi still snuggled in bed, enjoying a good starfish in the Pathfinders bed.   
“Oh, I could get used to this” she said, stretching for effect “and tea in bed supplied by my favourite Pathfinder.”  
“Well I’m glad someone has woken up happy” replied Ryder.

As they left their teas to cool on the nightstands, Ryder dived back under the duvet, the two women turned to face one another, Lexi reaching for Sara’s hand. “I never thought I’d wake up here.” She said, giving Ryder a half smile.  
“Me neither” admitted Ryder, she could sense Lexi was holding something back, “say it?”

Lexi chose to look at Sara’s shoulder rather than meet her eye when she said “the meld, it changes things doesn’t it? In my head, I thought that whatever happened between us, we could somehow just carry on like before. But that space we found together, I don’t know if I can let that go.”

“Lexi, this was never just a shore leave fraternisation. That line you draw in the sand about your patients, well you kicked it to pieces when you joined the Tempests crew. You care so deeply about all of us that if push came to shove you could never look at any of us purely clinically.” Ryder tipped Lexi’s head up and gently kissed her “Be honest with me Doctor T’Perro, the only thing that is going to change between us is where you sleep.”  
Lexi picked up a pillow and threw it at Sara, “goddess I hate it when you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming along on the journey of my first fic. Whilst this story is complete it'll form the first in a collection exploring my post-canon universe, central to that will of course be Sara and Lexi's ongoing relationship but there are other threads, character pairings and events I want to explore.


End file.
